Staying positive during tough times

So this crazy Pneumonia/Virus/Bronchitis deal is finally starting to clear up but this never ending fever is relentless. I gotta say I'm so done being sick, not my regular daily "sick" but this added virus shit is frustrating the hell outta this girl right here!No matter how sick and tired of being sick and tired  I get , I try my very best to remain  positive because I just think it makes life so much more fun and helps things go smoother.Having a chronic illness is difficult and there are times when I feel overwhelmed with discouragement and sadness.The reality is life doesn't always go our way and if I threw a cry-cry fit every time shit went bad I would be on the road to nowhere fast . I am by no means and expert on staying positive nor am I a psychologist or doctor but here are a few tips for staying positive during a difficult time.I really think that these apply to any one dealing with a hard situation, not just people dealing with illness.

1. Laugh Often: Ok this one may sound super cheesy but honestly it helps. No matter how hard you try to stay mad at someone it is ridiculously hard to do if they can make you laugh right? Right! My point exactly. Laugh everyday even if that means you need to you tube some Twerk Fail Videos like this one. See you just had your laugh of the day....Your Welcome



2. Surround yourself with positives:positive people, positive activities, things that make you feel like you have a purpose. Hanging out with Debbie Downers and people that don't encourage and support you does absolutely nothing for you. On the contrary , people that are willing to listen to you , learn about your illness, and still accept you and love you are people that you need to keep around. Participating in positive activities gives you a reason to get up and the motivation to keep fighting.

3. Replace losses with gains: A big struggle for me since getting sick is dealing with all of the losses that have come my way. If I didn't replace those losses with new things it would be a lot easier to dwell and a lot harder to stay positive. Crafting and cooking have always been things that I enjoy doing but I had little time to do them on a regular basis due to my busy work schedule. My job was a hard loss for me but I have replaced the time with crafting,cooking,blogging,and selling Scentsy. These enjoyable activities replace down time that I would otherwise have to sulk about all of the losses that I've dealt with this year.

Today is Hump Day and I'm linking up with some fabulous ladies thanks to Miss Jasmine!Visit her blog and check out the other ladies while you're there:)

It's OKAY...

Over the past few years I have learned that nothing is really set in stone, things change, to expect the unexpected, and that  chronically ill patients are generally the exception to the rule. The ups and downs of having a chronic illness can sometimes feel like a crazy roller coaster ride that affect you not only physically but emotionally. Here are my top 5 ITS OKAY'S ...the things that I've learned to accept as normal and the philosophies that have made life easier

Its OKAY:

1. To grieve-- when you have a chronic illness you suffer a lot of loss whether it be relationships, work, home, finances, ability to take care of yourself and others, and the biggest one of all your OLD LIFE. In the beginning I tried the tough guy approach to everything , I wasn't going to let my illness get me down. I slowly realized that in order to move on you have to acknowledge your loss and take the time that you need to get over the sadness. Most of us connect grief to the 5 stages 1. denial 2.anger 3. depression 4. bargaining 5. acceptance and think of it as ending with acceptance. I have learned that grief is cyclical , it comes and goes with each new challenge.

2. To ask for help --this was a huge obstacle to overcome for me. I am very stubborn and prideful and asking for help has always been difficult for me . I am fortunate enough to have family and friends that are beyond amazing who always ask to help . My immediate family and best friends know how I can be so they helped out even when I said I didn't need it. Most of the time I actually did need it but was too embarrassed to ask .Sometimes when your pride gets too big it can actually hinder you. I was searching for treatments that could help my condition and came across a treatment center but it was very costly [ I start treatment this month and will keep you all updated  :) ]. My family and I decided to start a donation page  to help cover treatment costs and medical bills and the response was incredible and heartwarming. It taught me that people are willing to help and support you but you have to give them the chance. Embrace it.

3.To feel contradictory-- There are times when I feel like I can conquer the world and days when I feel like everything is crashing around me. Some days I want to continue to search for new treatments and there are days when I'm "over it ". Just when I think I want to give up on work completely I think I may have a shot at going back someday. Contradicting yourself is not crazy... it's normal. Its your way of processing what has happened and figuring things out as you go along.

4. To say no-- If I think that something or someone is important enough I always say yes no matter whatever else I have going on. The week that I had my first seizure I had worked 65 hours followed by a weekend packed with a graduation in the bay area, a drive that same night to another graduation in the valley about an hour and a half  away, hosting a baby shower, driving back to the bay for a graduation party, back to the valley for a 30th birthday , and finally back to the bay to go home and sleep before my next work week started. All of the people were very special to me and how could I choose what was more important. Looking back, that was crazy! Now that I am sick I could never keep up with that kind of physical demand and I have learned that the people who love you don't expect you to. Sure they would love to see you but if you can't do it that day they would much rather you stay home than cause more harm to yourself. It was hard for me to give into the truth that YOU are important too and you need to make decisions that will benefit your health.

5. To "give-in"-- The idea of going out in public in a wheelchair was one I grappled with for a while before I finally decided to "give-in". A lot of it had to do with humility. By not succumbing to the idea of using the chair I missed out on activities that I enjoyed. No shopping,no going to my brothers baseball games,  no going out to dinner if I knew the parking wasn't so good. Now I am able to celebrate with friends and do the things I want to do and in the end...who cares if I'm in a wheelchair.Besides my niece has offered to "bling it out" so how could I pass up that opportunity ;) 

But you look fine.... The perks and pit-falls of Invisible Illness

Living with an invisible illness can be both a blessing and a curse. An invisible illness or disability is one that can not be "seen " by looking at the person with the condition. The fact that most people can't tell that I am sick is pretty refreshing sometimes. It's nice to be able to leave the house and not be looked at as the sick girl. The days that I am able to do a little something with my hair, throw on jeans and a cute shirt, and a bold ,bright lipstick I feel like my old self again. These days are nice because no one knows I am sick, there is nothing to give it away and no reason to bring up a long drawn out conversation about illness.

On the other hand it can be very frustrating at times. Since I look completely healthy people don't understand how bad I may be feeling at that exact moment. The chatty lady in the bank line in front of me has no idea that I am seeing stars and on my way to hitting the floor and causing an unwanted scene.The most frustrating thing is definitely  when people stare when they see me in a wheelchair, like I am the lazy girl who wants to use the motorized cart at Target. Ummm ...hello I'd much rather be driving my Camaro than this bright red cart that makes beeping noises when I back up haha. Friends that I once went out with have said things like " you look so good now. I'm glad your better. When are we gonna go out?". Its hard to explain that even though I look fine I am still battling a chronic illness especially when I know their intentions are good.

I think the most important thing to do as a friend or family member is to avoid assumptions.Just be there, and if you aren't sure how we are feeling just ask. Most people with chronic illnesses know their body pretty well and know their limits. If you ask us if we are feeling up to a certain activity we will be able to give you an honest answer. I can't speak for everyone but its a lot easier for me to be honest if you just ask if I'm able to do something. If you assume I'm fine and able to go somewhere or do something I'm more likely to not say anything and try to  push through which eventually ends in me feeling worse.I am the first to admit that you can't really have it both ways. Either I look fine and avoid all the questions or I get misunderstood for looking too normal.Can't have the best of both worlds but a girl can dream can't she ?! 
As a rule of thumb: Just Ask and I will share :)

After writing this post I came across a website that is extremely informative . I would encourage you to read it . As a chronically ill person , it has a lot of information on how to discuss touchy topics with family and friends. For those of you that love  someone with an invisible illness there are postings that may help you gather some more information and insight on what its like to live day to day life in their shoes.http://invisibledisabilities.org/

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