Staying positive during tough times

So this crazy Pneumonia/Virus/Bronchitis deal is finally starting to clear up but this never ending fever is relentless. I gotta say I'm so done being sick, not my regular daily "sick" but this added virus shit is frustrating the hell outta this girl right here!No matter how sick and tired of being sick and tired  I get , I try my very best to remain  positive because I just think it makes life so much more fun and helps things go smoother.Having a chronic illness is difficult and there are times when I feel overwhelmed with discouragement and sadness.The reality is life doesn't always go our way and if I threw a cry-cry fit every time shit went bad I would be on the road to nowhere fast . I am by no means and expert on staying positive nor am I a psychologist or doctor but here are a few tips for staying positive during a difficult time.I really think that these apply to any one dealing with a hard situation, not just people dealing with illness.

1. Laugh Often: Ok this one may sound super cheesy but honestly it helps. No matter how hard you try to stay mad at someone it is ridiculously hard to do if they can make you laugh right? Right! My point exactly. Laugh everyday even if that means you need to you tube some Twerk Fail Videos like this one. See you just had your laugh of the day....Your Welcome



2. Surround yourself with positives:positive people, positive activities, things that make you feel like you have a purpose. Hanging out with Debbie Downers and people that don't encourage and support you does absolutely nothing for you. On the contrary , people that are willing to listen to you , learn about your illness, and still accept you and love you are people that you need to keep around. Participating in positive activities gives you a reason to get up and the motivation to keep fighting.

3. Replace losses with gains: A big struggle for me since getting sick is dealing with all of the losses that have come my way. If I didn't replace those losses with new things it would be a lot easier to dwell and a lot harder to stay positive. Crafting and cooking have always been things that I enjoy doing but I had little time to do them on a regular basis due to my busy work schedule. My job was a hard loss for me but I have replaced the time with crafting,cooking,blogging,and selling Scentsy. These enjoyable activities replace down time that I would otherwise have to sulk about all of the losses that I've dealt with this year.

Today is Hump Day and I'm linking up with some fabulous ladies thanks to Miss Jasmine!Visit her blog and check out the other ladies while you're there:)

It's OKAY...

Over the past few years I have learned that nothing is really set in stone, things change, to expect the unexpected, and that  chronically ill patients are generally the exception to the rule. The ups and downs of having a chronic illness can sometimes feel like a crazy roller coaster ride that affect you not only physically but emotionally. Here are my top 5 ITS OKAY'S ...the things that I've learned to accept as normal and the philosophies that have made life easier

Its OKAY:

1. To grieve-- when you have a chronic illness you suffer a lot of loss whether it be relationships, work, home, finances, ability to take care of yourself and others, and the biggest one of all your OLD LIFE. In the beginning I tried the tough guy approach to everything , I wasn't going to let my illness get me down. I slowly realized that in order to move on you have to acknowledge your loss and take the time that you need to get over the sadness. Most of us connect grief to the 5 stages 1. denial 2.anger 3. depression 4. bargaining 5. acceptance and think of it as ending with acceptance. I have learned that grief is cyclical , it comes and goes with each new challenge.

2. To ask for help --this was a huge obstacle to overcome for me. I am very stubborn and prideful and asking for help has always been difficult for me . I am fortunate enough to have family and friends that are beyond amazing who always ask to help . My immediate family and best friends know how I can be so they helped out even when I said I didn't need it. Most of the time I actually did need it but was too embarrassed to ask .Sometimes when your pride gets too big it can actually hinder you. I was searching for treatments that could help my condition and came across a treatment center but it was very costly [ I start treatment this month and will keep you all updated  :) ]. My family and I decided to start a donation page  to help cover treatment costs and medical bills and the response was incredible and heartwarming. It taught me that people are willing to help and support you but you have to give them the chance. Embrace it.

3.To feel contradictory-- There are times when I feel like I can conquer the world and days when I feel like everything is crashing around me. Some days I want to continue to search for new treatments and there are days when I'm "over it ". Just when I think I want to give up on work completely I think I may have a shot at going back someday. Contradicting yourself is not crazy... it's normal. Its your way of processing what has happened and figuring things out as you go along.

4. To say no-- If I think that something or someone is important enough I always say yes no matter whatever else I have going on. The week that I had my first seizure I had worked 65 hours followed by a weekend packed with a graduation in the bay area, a drive that same night to another graduation in the valley about an hour and a half  away, hosting a baby shower, driving back to the bay for a graduation party, back to the valley for a 30th birthday , and finally back to the bay to go home and sleep before my next work week started. All of the people were very special to me and how could I choose what was more important. Looking back, that was crazy! Now that I am sick I could never keep up with that kind of physical demand and I have learned that the people who love you don't expect you to. Sure they would love to see you but if you can't do it that day they would much rather you stay home than cause more harm to yourself. It was hard for me to give into the truth that YOU are important too and you need to make decisions that will benefit your health.

5. To "give-in"-- The idea of going out in public in a wheelchair was one I grappled with for a while before I finally decided to "give-in". A lot of it had to do with humility. By not succumbing to the idea of using the chair I missed out on activities that I enjoyed. No shopping,no going to my brothers baseball games,  no going out to dinner if I knew the parking wasn't so good. Now I am able to celebrate with friends and do the things I want to do and in the end...who cares if I'm in a wheelchair.Besides my niece has offered to "bling it out" so how could I pass up that opportunity ;) 

Supporting your loved one

Having a chronic illness affects many aspects of your life but I think one of the key players is relationships.I have found that it is really easy to lose touch with friends because of a variety of reasons. I used to be the text book definition of Type A, super outgoing, friends with everyone, goofy, always had more plans than time, the life of the party type. Now I am physically just not capable of living that lifestyle and it is hard to connect with certain friends because we no longer have much in common. For others , I think its easier to distance themselves than see me the way that I now am. It's easier to not see "sick" Brittany and remember "fun" Brittany. Although a lot of people with chronic illness say that having friends that don't understand leads to lost friendships I honestly think that most people don't mean any harm by it , they just don't how to respond to their friend or family member getting sick. 

Here are a few things that you can do as a family member or friend to support your loved one:

• Participate in activities that they can be part of. Hang out at the house , watch movies, paint your nails, low key activities that won't cause any extra stress.
• Little pick me ups - I was having a terrible flare up last week and was unable to leave bed for two days. My mom came into my room with a bouquet of gorgeous hydrangeas that matched my room perfectly. When I asked her what they were for she said " because you are having a crappy day and I thought they would cheer you up." Exactly what I needed! The flowers couldn't take away my sick day but they turned my entire mood around.
• Take the time to learn about their illness .understanding is a huge part of being able to continue a relationship with that person. It shows them that you care enough about them to put in a little work so that you two can connect.
• Offer rides . Many people with chronic illnesses are unable to drive but are still able to go on outings if they have a way there.
• Offer to help cook or clean . These activities are difficult for most people with chronic illnesses.
• Invite them places. If they aren't feeling strong enough that day they will let you know but it is nice to be included. My best friend makes a huge effort in this department. She is constantly asking if I want to come hang out at the house with her and my nieces or if I want to do a target run with her even if that means she has to push a stroller and a wheelchair simultaneously.On the contrary don't send them invites to places that you KNOW they can't go. For example please don't  invite me to go skydiving... I will not feel included I will feel sad lol ( sometimes a little common sense is all it takes ) 
• Just be you. Tonight I was talking to a friend on the phone . She asked how I was feeling and I told her today wasn't the best day. She gave me support and love and we moved on to the next topic.Knowing that you have support does wonders for the soul but it is also important to just be you. Talk to your friend just like you would before they got sick. Life may have thrown them an obstacle, things may have changed but they are still the same person you have always loved.

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